Strength in Vulnerability
by ReadyCameraFive
Summary: Olivia Benson has always been strong, sometimes to a fault. Is there someone in her life who can help her realize that showing your vulnerability to another person is to show them your strength?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! This is my first work of fanfiction and I would appreciate any and all comments, reviews, tips, etc. The fic will be in two parts, this being the first. Heed this warning, though, if you don't like the idea of Olivia and Stone, you probably shouldn't be here. Or maybe you should, it's up to you. Thanks for reading!**

 **All characters and their likenesses are property of Dick Wolf and NBCUniversal. The story and situations therein are a work of my imagination and I do not ascribe them to the official story of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.**

Strength in Vulnerability

"Jesus Christ, Olivia. I don't know what to do. I'm…I'm flailing." Peter's voice caught in his throat.

Lieutenant Olivia Benson of Manhattan's Special Victim's Unit was currently sitting on the TriBeCa sofa of her ADA, Peter Stone. She'd come from nearby where she and her unit had been, for the past four hours, painstakingly retracing the path of their latest perp. Her toes were practically numb inside her trusty work boots, her hair was haphazardly pulled into a ponytail, and her black blazer felt constricting. It was late, she was exhausted and felt ragged. She hadn't seen her son in nearly 24 hours, but Peter's phone call sounded desperate. The moment she heard his "hello" over the line, she knew it was personal, not professional.

The lines had been blurred for some time now, personal tip-toeing into professional, professional hurling towards personal. Olivia tried for months to brush off any non-platonic feelings she had for Peter, but it eventually became clear that the pull was too strong, even for her. There was something about him. Something she felt within herself, that she'd never felt with any other man.

One afternoon last spring, after a particularly trying day in court, Olivia pulled Peter into a stairwell off the main hallway.

"I'm sorry, Peter. I don't know what happened up there. I…I've testified hundreds of times. I got distracted. Fuck!" Olivia's hands were waving wildly through the air as she spoke. She was exasperated, mostly with herself.

"Liv. Listen to me," Peter said, as he grabbed her elbows and dipped down to look into her eyes. "You were fine. We did all we could. There was no chance".

Peter's eyes were so sure, so trusting of Olivia's judgement. He was silently begging her to believe in herself and in her performance on the stand, because God knows he believed in her. No one had ever caught her, or calmed her, so quickly. She was her own harshest critic, and moments ago she was blaming herself for losing this case. Yet Peter Stone managed to take that blame away with one look. It took her breath away, and she broke eye contact. Olivia sensed a shift and as she often does when things turn toward the serious in her personal life, she went for a bit of levity and a quick change of subject.

"Do you remember a while back when I caught you nearly shirtless in your office?", she teased.

"Yes, and if I remember correctly you kinda barged in", Peter remained serious.

"Maybe I did, but you knew I was on my way over. Did you have your shirt off on purpose? Were you trying to impress me even then? Because I can still see through your charm". Olivia had a playful twinkle in her eye.

Peter was affected but he knew what she was trying to do: deflect. He dropped her elbows but dipped once again to catch her eyes. "What's going on, Olivia? If you're upset about the case, let's go grab a drink and…"

"It's not the case", she interrupted. With a deep breath and a quick silent prayer, Olivia leaned forward so that their lips were practically touching. "It's not the case, Peter", she whispered, repeating herself. "I was trying to distract myself so I wouldn't do this. But you clearly saw right through me". With that, Olivia closed what little space was left between them and pushed her lips to his.

Peter was taken aback but not surprised by how soft and lush Olivia's lips felt against his. He felt lightheaded, and judging by the tiny buckle of Olivia's knees, he knew she was dizzy, too. Neither of them moved for a few seconds, but then the initial shock wore off and they simultaneously opened their mouths to one another. Peter's right hand curved it's way up Olivia's back and into her wavy locks, while his other hand rested on her hip. His mind was swimming but he did everything in his power not to pull her fully into him. That would come later.

Olivia led this first dance of theirs, her hands unable to remain still. She roamed his back, seemingly memorizing the planes beneath his grey suit jacket, but really what she was doing was alleviating energy through her hands so that she could keep the kiss calm and sensuous. She swept her tongue along the roof of Peter's mouth before lowering it back down to entwine with his. It was passionate, yet slow, and between nips on the lips there were breathy sighs.

As if a switch suddenly flipped in Olivia, her mouth stopped moving and she swiftly pulled back from Peter.

"Shit. I'm sorry, I didn't mean…I shouldn't have…" And just like that, the waving hands and the exasperation came back.

"Hey, hey, hey, do NOT apologize". Peter tried to grab Olivia's hand but she snatched it away just in time.

"I want to do this, Peter", she said with pleading eyes. They both knew this had been building for a while. "I want to, but not here, not when we're working. That never bodes well for me. I should go".

Before he could respond, the heavy door leading out to the bottom of the courthouse steps slammed shut and she was gone.

It wasn't the kiss that played over and over in Olivia's mind as she caught an Uber uptown. It was the moment before. The shift she felt as Peter held her gaze. She knew there was no going back now, and it was going to take everything in her power to not let him break through her carefully constructed walls.

Months had gone by since that first kiss in the stairwell. Months of kisses inside and outside of bars, in parks, in dimly lit alleys after drawn-out dinners, and once…once in Peter's office when both of their guards were down. Peter had just watched his sister die and the only thing Olivia could think to do was kiss his pain away. She was naive to think it would help. For a while it did. In every practical sense, Peter was himself. At least at work. The ADA and the Lieutenant, the law and the order, were balanced, were winning cases, and were putting away perps for good. Olivia kept up her rule of no affection at work—the slip up in Peter's office notwithstanding—although they couldn't avoid standing in each other's personal space every chance they got.

The intimate tension was rising between them, and sometimes that would expel itself in a work-related argument, without fail Peter would always level out and come to her defense, and they'd be balanced again. They both knew they'd work out that tension in heated kisses later. In recent weeks, however, they weren't seeing each other outside of work as much as either of them wanted. Olivia was spending every free moment with Noah, and Peter was…well Olivia didn't know what Peter was doing, but she didn't have time to think about that.

Until tonight.

Olivia reached her hand out to rest on Peter's shoulder. "You're flailing?" She knew where this was going. This was personal. Peter was always poised at work, always on top of his game, but every once in a while she'd catch something in his eye that betrayed the ADA's composed exterior.

Peter was resting his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. He turned his head and lifted his eyes to look at Olivia, the pain in them immediately evident to the woman sitting next to him. He knew if he spoke the anguish in his heart would spill forth without restraint.

"Oh, Peter", Olivia's heart broke for him without knowing exactly what was wrong, even if she did have an inkling.

Turns out, he didn't have to speak to unleash the tears. Just the sound of Olivia's empathetic voice did him in. He turned fully to her then, all of the pent up sadness he'd been trying to quell since his sister's death racking his body. Olivia took him in one of her all-encompassing hugs and held him tightly. She was reminded of the night in his office when she'd comforted him in this same way. This also felt very much like one of her victims right before they revealed to her their painful past. But this wasn't one of her victims, this was the man she was falling in love with, even if she hadn't let herself believe that yet.

She continued holding him with one arm, the other stroking up and down his back. She whispered an occasional "shh" or "it's okay", her heart clenching and her eyes brimming with her own tears with each gasp of air from Peter. They stayed this way for some time, Peter struggling to compose himself, his tears wetting Olivia's blazer.

Finally the tears stopped and Peter sat back from Olivia's embrace. As he scrubbed his hand down his face, Peter stood up from the couch and started to pace the room. He didn't speak for several minutes, and Olivia sat silently her eyes tracking his moves as she waited for him to collect his thoughts.

He stopped in front of the television that was situated across from the sofa and turned to look at Olivia, both of his arms stretched out at his sides. "I've fucked up". His arms dropped down, making a loud clap as his hands hit his thighs. "I'm fucking up, Liv".

"What are you talking about?", Olivia asked.

No answer.

"Peter? Come sit down. What are you talking about?"

And he did, this time sitting with one leg folded under the other so he could fully face Olivia. He took a deep, cleansing breath and told her everything: how he'd spend hours at a dark bar drinking until he couldn't see straight, the sex with woman both anonymous and not. How it was sometimes more than one woman at a time and how once he even let two of them spend the night. How there were never any feelings involved and the only thing he wanted to feel was pleasure followed by numbness. That the only reason for any of these indiscretions was to forget about how he let down his sister, how it was HIS fault she was murdered. Even if that meant only forgetting for a few hours, or, at most, a night.

'I'm trying to stop, Liv, but I feel like an addict. I feel…I feel like I'm fucking cheating on you for chrissakes!" His voice was shaking.

Olivia took a moment before she spoke. Peter was pouring his heart out to her, and any jealously or anger she felt towards his confession flew out the window when he looked at her with the same pained eyes she saw when they started this conversation.

"Peter," she paused, pressing her lips together, thinking about what she wanted to say. She looked away from him for a second, then trained her eyes back on his. "You should have talked to me". No, that wasn't how she wanted to start, this wasn't about her. She shook her head and started again. "I'm so sorry you're hurting so badly". Her hand flew to her heart. "You can't stay in this destructive pattern forever, and I think the best thing you could have done is told someone about it, and I'm glad you felt safe enough to tell me".

"You're not mad at me?", he asked carefully.

"No, absolutely not. If anything I'm mad at myself for not noticing that you were spiraling down like this. I've seen the sadness in your eyes sometimes at work and I didn't say anything when I should have but I've been so goddamn wrapped up in my own stuff with work and with Noah I didn't…"

He reached out for Olivia's hand. "You're rambling, Liv", Peter smirked for the first time that night. He secretly loved when Olivia got flustered. He turned serious again. "I would never, ever expect you to fix this for me. I wanted to tell you because I care so much about you, and we've been doing this little dance with each other for months now. I want this chaos of mine to stop for you just as much as I want to stop it for me".

"I can help you find a really great therapist. Having an unbiased person to talk to can be invaluable, trust me. And I'm here for you, always.", Olivia said.

"Thank you, I think I'll take you up on that offer. Aside from that, Liv, I want…", Peter cleared his throat and reached up to loosen the knot of his tie, "…I want _you_ to be the person I turn to when I'm in pain. Not some random woman I meet at a bar. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Olivia could only nod. She knew exactly what he was saying. Still, though, she was fighting the walls around her heart. She wanted so badly to punch through the bricks.

Peter leaned forward and pressed his forehead on Olivia's. He breathed her in then placed a gentle kiss to the spot his forehead had just been resting. "I need to kiss you", he whispered.

"Please". Olivia's hushed tone matched his.

With that Peter captured her plump lips with his, wanting desperately to convey all of his feelings through one single kiss. He cradled her head in his hands, moaning deeply into Olivia's open mouth. Olivia kissed him back with equal fervor, scooting back on the couch never breaking contact. She released her grip on his hips so that she could lay back, resting her head on the armrest. The look in her eyes told Peter everything he needed to know: she wanted to be the person he goes to when he's in pain, too. He climbed over her, straddling her hips, and lowered his body to hers. They've been close, but never this close. They both recognized the newness and let out simultaneous sighs.

"Kiss me again", Olivia practically whined.

Peter didn't need to be told twice as he dipped his lips to hers. She embraced him with both arms from her spot below him, pulling him firmly to her. Peter couldn't help himself as his right hand smoothed down her neck, over her collarbone, and landed on her full breast. He started massaging her before he stopped and asked, "Is this okay?"

He got his answer when Olivia pushed her chest out to meet his hand. She pulled her lips away from his just long enough to respond with a breathy "yes".

Eventually Peter ended the kiss and slid behind Olivia so he could hold her. He knew that the kiss was enough for tonight, that he had conveyed everything he wanted to. Neither of them spoke, both lost in their own thoughts. Olivia was mindlessly running her fingers up and down Peter's well-toned arm. It felt so good to be held by someone again.

"Liv?", Peter asked after several minutes.

"Hmm?"

"Stay with me tonight?" It was a long shot, he knew.

Olivia craned her neck to look at Peter's face. "I can't. You know I can't. I've got a little boy at home who won't be happy if he wakes up and his Mama isn't there", she smiled. As much as she wanted to stay in Peter's embrace, she wanted to get home to her son even more.

"I know, just thought I'd try". Peter winked at her and she almost lost her reserve. Almost. Olivia untangled herself and stood up, straightening her blazer. She reached out her hand and helped pull Peter up so he was standing inches from her face.

"I'm so glad you called me tonight. We'll get through this together, right?"

"Right. Olivia…I can't thank you enough for coming over tonight, for letting me get that all out, for not getting up and walking out on me." Olivia smiled, but offered nothing else, so Peter continued, "You'll be okay getting home? Can I call you an Uber?"

"That'd be great, thank you." And with one more quick kiss, Olivia made her way uptown and home to Noah.

The next day was unchaotic at the 16th precinct and Olivia was grateful. When she got home from Peter's the night before, she checked in on a sleeping Noah, giving him a gentle kiss on the head before retreating to her bedroom. She laid in her bed going over every single detail of their conversation and the make-out session that followed. She couldn't sleep. At 3:30am her phone buzzed—it was Carisi letting her know he and Fin had finally caught the rapist who had been terrorizing the residents around Washington Market park for three nights. Knowing their latest perp was locked up and her Sergeant and detective were safe at home, Olivia finally drifted to sleep.

She relished in the quiet day at the office, nothing more to do than paperwork and a few phone calls. She was physically tired but emotionally energized. She reached for her cell that was sitting on top of her copy of the book Ruth Bader Ginsberg: In Her Own Words. She smiled as she remembered Noah's explanation last Mother's Day that Uncle Sonny bought it, but he, Noah, saw it first and knew that she'd like it, even before Uncle Sonny pointed it out. True or not, the six year old was right. She loved it.

She slipped on her black-framed glasses and quickly typed a text to Peter:

[Olivia]: Hey, quiet day over here at SVU. How're you?

She didn't have to wait long before her phone vibrated with his reply.

[Peter]: Quiet day? Never heard of such a thing. ;)

He was being flirty. Good sign.

[Peter]: I'm good, Liv. Really. Thanks again for last night. I needed to get that all out.

[Olivia]: Happy to help. Plans for dinner tonight?

She was taking a leap of faith.

[Peter]: Leftover Chinese. A bachelor's delight.

[Olivia]: Hah! Sounds good but maybe I could entice you with something better?

[Peter]: What did you have in mind, Lieutenant?

[Olivia]: Relax, Stone. I'm talking about Spaghetti Night with my kid at my place.

Not what he was expecting exactly, but he was thrilled nonetheless.

[Peter]: I'd love that. Can I bring anything? Wine?

[Olivia]: Nope, I've got it covered. See you at 6:30?

[Peter]: I'll see you then. Gotta run to a meeting.

[Olivia]: Aren't you going to ask for my apartment number?

[Peter]: I'm not embarrassed to say I saved it from off the card you sent me after Pam passed. Thought I might need it someday.

[Olivia]: I'm glad you did. See you tonight.

… _to be continued._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi! I decided to make this fic three parts instead of the planned two, so there will be one more after this which I will post in the next couple of days. Please review/comment and let me know how you're liking it so far! Thanks again for reading.**

 **All characters and their likenesses are property of Dick Wolf and NBCUniversal. The story and situations herein are a work of my imagination and I do not ascribe them to the official story of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.**

Strength in Vulnerability, Part 2

Olivia got started on dinner right away after picking Noah up from his 9th Avenue private school. She knew she'd have to have a conversation with him before Peter showed up at her door, but she'd been putting it off for two hours now. She glanced across the island from where she was standing at Noah working away on what looked like a very detailed drawing. He was sitting on one of the stools and she couldn't help but notice how big he looked. He seemed to have grown overnight.

"What are you working on, sweetheart?" She asked while stirring her sauce.

"This is a baseball diamond, see? And these are the players on my team", Noah explained.

"Is that you right there?" Olivia pointed to a player who looked to be the pitcher.

Noah laughed. "No, Mama! I'm not ON the team, I'm the coach! This is when I'm bigger!"

"Ohhh, I see! You will make an excellent coach one day, my love". Olivia put down the wooden spoon and rounded the corner bending just enough in front of Noah so that they were eye level. She grabbed the hand that he wasn't drawing with in both of hers. She wasn't sure exactly what to say.

"Noah, hunny, I wanted to tell you that I invited my friend to have dinner with us tonight. I know that Spaghetti Night is special to us, but I want him to meet you and I think he really likes spaghetti, too! His name is Peter and guess what? He loves baseball just like you do!" She could see Noah's approaching smile. This was going to be okay, but she had to be sure.

"How do you feel about that?", she asked, still holding onto his hand.

"I feel great! Maybe I can ask him what his favorite team is!". Noah was beaming. God she loves this kid.

"Of course you can ask him that", Olivia smiled back, breathing a sigh of relief. "Alright Noah, go on and finish up your homework in your room, okay? Let me know if you need help."

"Okay, Mama. And guess what!", Noah said, excitedly, jumping down off the stool. "Mrs. Rozniack picked ME to be the Speller of the Week because she said I did SO great on my spelling test!"

"That's fantastic, baby! I'm so, so proud of you. Hard work really pays off, right?" Olivia grinned as she ran her hand through Noah's curls.

"Yep!"

They've both made peace with one another in the last few weeks, and balance had finally been restored in the Benson household. Olivia couldn't be happier, and neither could Noah.

As the little boy rounded the corner toward his bedroom, he stopped and turned back towards his mom. Olivia was still watching him.

"Mama? I love you."

"I love you, too, Sweet Boy. So much".

A quick lop-sided smile from Noah and he bounded into his room.

Olivia's heart soared. A far cry from where they'd just come from, as she remembered back a few weeks to when she cried herself to sleep after Noah refused to return her two "I love you's". After everything she'd been through in her life; her childhood, work, past relationships, the mess with Sheila Porter, she couldn't remember a pain so profound as when her son rejected her love. She tried to reason with herself that he's only six and was acting out. It's a phase. She knew he loved her, he just missed her. It was at that moment, her pillow wet from the tears she shed for herself and for her child, that she vowed to make changes for her family. Noah needed more stability, he needed her to be fully present. She couldn't do that at the pace she was going now. The very reason she gave Ed Tucker for ending their relationship was that she needed to pour everything she had into Noah. She hadn't exactly done that. Work had once again taken over.

Earlier that same day, the day that Noah first lashed out, she'd told Fin she felt like she needed to be Wonder Woman, that she had to be able to do it all in order to feel full. Yet Noah's bad behavior was living proof that something had to give. She could still be Wonder Woman, but she had to let go a little bit, she had to open herself up to a level vulnerability that she has never experienced. Someone once told her that there's strength in being vulnerable, and she wagered how willing she'd be to let someone see that side of her. As her tears dried and she began to drift to sleep, her heart and her mind began to entertain the idea of that someone being Peter Stone. They'd been stealing kisses for months, and her feelings for Peter were strong, but in true Olivia form, up until now she has decidedly kept her heart under lock and key. It was time to open up and throw away the key for good. For herself, and for Noah.

And here they were, just shy of two weeks later, and Peter Stone was coming to her apartment for dinner. And not just any dinner, a special night of the week typically reserved for her and Noah.

Olivia snapped back to the present, mindlessly stirring the spaghetti sauce on the stove. She'd been in Peter's apartment just last night and for some reason she was more nervous now than she had been then. The only expectation she had for tonight was to allow Peter into her home and to enjoy a nice dinner with her son. It wasn't a huge step, but it was a start. She certainly had no worries about Peter and Noah meeting, so the nerves must be coming from somewhere else. But where? Perhaps Olivia knew deep down that this wasn't going to be just dinner with her son.

To try and combat her fluttering heart, Olivia busied herself with chopping some fresh basil for the sauce and opening a bottle of her favorite red, Nero d'Avola. She wanted to be sure it had time to breathe before she offered a glass to her guest.

Just as she pulled the cork out of the bottle, she heard Noah shout from the end of the hallway. "Mama! Pretend you're the first baseman! Catch!" She leaned her head out of the kitchen just in time to see Eddie the elephant soar past, nearly missing her face.

"Excuse me, kiddo! Didn't I say no baseball in the house?" Olivia tried to sound stern, but she was helpless to Noah's sweet face. He was grinning ear-to-ear.

"Eddie isn't a baseball! I didn't break the rule! He's just a big lump of fluffy love!", Noah said gleefully.

Olivia let out a full belly laugh, something she hadn't done in a while. She had no idea where Noah came up with some of the stuff he says. Still smiling, Noah scampered back to his room to finish his homework and Olivia went back to the stove, dumping the freshly chopped basil into her homemade sauce.

Peter ran up the stairs inside of Olivia's building probably more quickly than he should have, aware of the possibility of sweat, but mostly uncaring. He slowed his gait as he approached her door, suddenly shy about the small bunch of flowers clutched at his side.

"Is it too forward to bring flowers?", he thought to himself, "It's dinner with her kid, not a date".

At that moment, Peter was rocked by the realization that he doesn't know Olivia in this capacity. Lieutenant Benson and Noah's mom are possibly two very different people, and he wasn't sure he'd know how to connect with her on this level. Peter suddenly had the urge to run.

"Don't be stupid, man. She obviously wants you to know this side of her", he thought. He took a deep breath and raised his hand to knock, when he heard the most uproarious laughter coming from inside. A smile spread across his face as he became conscious of the fact that he'd never heard Olivia laugh before, at least not like that. It was a sound he would definitely fall in love with. A momentary pang of guilt hit his gut, worried that he might be intruding on some important mama/son time, but his anxiousness to experience this side of Olivia won out as he softly knocked twice. He had to know what life behind this door looks like.

The force of the door as it swung inwards caused Olivia's brunette locks to momentarily dance across her face. Peter noticed that her face was flushed as she quickly swept her hair away and behind her ear. She was dressed more casually than he'd ever seen her: jeans, a moss-colored t-shirt with a tear at the neckline that she probably paid more for, bare feet. He'd never seen anyone more beautiful. He wanted to kiss her right then and there.

"Peter, hi. C'mon in. Watch out for the rogue elephant that Noah just launched at me. I told him no throwing baseballs in the house, so he got creative", she said with a small chuckle.

So that's why she was laughing. Olivia moved to allow Peter to step across the threshold, and it felt to him like the most important, most momentous steps of his life. Olivia was allowing him into her home for something that had absolutely nothing to do with work. He wasn't sure how he got so lucky, but now wasn't the time to question luck.

He took a few steps into her living room, and with his back still to Olivia, he heard her shut and bolt the door.

Without turning around, "Your apartment is perfect, Liv. It's so…you". When she didn't respond, Peter turned toward Olivia, arm out-stretched, offering her the bunch of dark red peonies he'd carried all the way from Gristedes on 20th.

"For you, for letting me crash Spaghetti Night"

Olivia took two steps toward him, stepping over the stuffed elephant, still not saying anything. It was then that Peter realized he hadn't seen or heard Noah. But his heart was beating so loudly in his chest, he wasn't sure he could hear at all. Little did he know, Olivia was battling her own butterflies.

"And because you wouldn't let me bring wine, you wine snob", Peter half-joked.

Olivia reached him and reached out for the flowers, her fingers brushing his, lingering for just a beat. She wanted to kiss him right then and there.

Finally she spoke, "Thank you. They're beautiful". Her gaze matched his for a moment, then, as if breaking a spell, "and you're not crashing anything".

Olivia walked past Peter and into her small kitchen. She fished around in an upper cabinet for a vase and when she found one she called out, "Noah! Sweetie! Come on out and meet Peter!"

Dinner was perfect and Noah already had Peter enamored. He told stories all throughout the meal, mostly about baseball and his friends at school. Currently the little boy was talking animatedly about a new book he'd picked up at the library with Lucy, his nanny, and Peter tried to follow along but he was lost in thought. He was leaned back in his chair, relaxed with his arms crossed across his chest, and watching Noah, but his mind was on Olivia. The woman sitting to his left has raised this smart, kind, funny child all by herself and Peter could already tell Noah was a shining example of all of Olivia's best qualities. He knew it hadn't been easy for her. Far from it. Yet from the moment he started working with SVU he knew Olivia was a nurturer. He's seen the way she treats each and every survivor she encounters. Now, tonight, he was honored and humbled to have witnessed Olivia in the role she was born to play: the mother to this child. He couldn't deny that he found it incredibly sexy.

Peter helped Olivia clean up from dinner as Noah played with his Legos on the floor in front of the TV. Olivia tried to shoo Peter out of the kitchen, but he insisted on helping. It was the least he could do, but more than that, he loved being this close to Olivia without the fear of any coworkers noticing.

It was getting late and Noah's bedtime had already passed. "Noah why don't you come say goodnight to Peter. Then get your pjs on and brush your teeth", Olivia called as she wiped her hands on a dishtowel.

"Okay. Top AND bottom, right?" Noah skipped over to the two adults.

Olivia laughed. "Yes, top and bottom". She put her hands on her hips.

"Goodnight, Noah, it was so nice to meet you. Thank you for having me over for dinner. You make a mean spaghetti!" Peter winked at Noah and gave his brown curls a ruffle.

Noah thought he was in on some kind of secret, so he winked back. "Can you come back another night?"

Peter quickly glanced at Olivia, and he saw her raise her eyebrow. He'd seen that look before. "I'd love that. Sleep tight, new friend!"

"Night night! Mama, can you tuck me in?"

"Absolutely. I'll be in in just a second". Olivia was so happy with how the night went, but she wasn't as relaxed as Peter seemed to be. Even with two glasses of wine, she was still feeling quite restive even if she was hiding it well.

"I'll be right back, don't go anywhere", Olivia said softly to Peter as she slid past him.

With Noah safely out of earshot and eyesight, Peter grabbed Olivia's wrist just as she'd passed him. He pulled her into him and sweetly touched his lips to hers. He'd been waiting all night for that. "I won't." With that simple gesture, Olivia felt the smallest quell of her nerves.

… _the night isn't over yet. To be continued._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hi! This is the final chapter of this fic, but I** _ **may**_ **have something else in the works. I hope you enjoy this part, and please do drop me a comment and let me know! It's always helpful to have feedback from readers. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!**

 **All characters and their likenesses are property of Dick Wolf and NBCUniversal. The story and situations herein are a work of my imagination and I do not ascribe them to the official story of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.**

Strength in Vulnerability, Part 3

Peter could hear the soft murmur of Olivia's voice as she read to Noah a bedtime story. He couldn't make out what she was saying, but he could tell from the way her inflection changed that she was doing different character voices. He wanted to tiptoe closer to the partly closed bedroom door and get a better listen, but he was afraid he'd interrupt the Bensons' nighttime routine. He smiled to himself, delighting in now being privy to this softer side of Olivia, and instead busied himself by pouring two fresh glasses of wine.

He heard Olivia emerge from the boy's room, one last "I love you" whispered into the darkness.

"Two weeks ago that kid refused to look at me when I tucked him in. Now he's begging me every night for more snuggles", Olivia said as she rounded the sofa and took a seat next to Peter. She had one foot tucked under the opposite leg so she could face him, her elbow bent on the back of the couch, her head resting in her open palm.

When Peter didn't immediately respond, Olivia continued: "Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled we're back to normal but I can't coddle him for my own comfort and peace of mind…Wait, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Noah and I…for a few weeks there…nevermind". She waved her hand in front of her face in a dismissive manner.

Peter furrowed his brow but didn't press her. Instead he switched gears slightly. "Did you always want kids, Liv?", he asked as he picked up the two wine glasses, handing one to Olivia. She took a long sip.

"Short answer? Yes. Long answer? I don't want to bore you with that." More dismissive hand gestures.

"Nothing that you ever say will bore me, I can guarantee you that", Peter said resolutely. He could tell something was bothering Olivia, so he reached out to hold her fidgeting fingers, trying to calm whatever storm was brewing inside her.

"Liv, are you okay? If I said something that made you uncomfortable, then I'm so sorry". Peter made sure to make eye contact with her as he said this: "You can feel safe with me. You can say anything you want to me, anytime you want".

Olivia knew she didn't ever need permission to say what was on her mind, but Peter's words affected her. Olivia had always felt a false sense of security with all of the men she'd been with before; she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and when it did, she blamed herself. She was aware that she never fully opened herself up in any of her relationships and that was the ultimate reason for each demise. Besides Noah, Olivia's heart was the thing she guarded most fiercely. After a lifetime of heartbreaks, she had no other choice.

But something was different about Peter Stone. And then it hit her: Peter's had his own lifetime of heartbreaks and he's still able to rip his heart out of his chest for others to see. He could hold it in front of you and let you experience all it had to offer. There was no rampart guarding the beat of his soul. Just last night he bared it all to Olivia and here he was, still standing tall. And because of that, because he knew she could handle him when he was defenseless and broken, because he trusted that she would pick him back up, Olivia realized that if she really tried, she could reciprocate. She knew she could be vulnerable, and Peter would never let her fall.

Olivia abruptly stood up from the couch, never letting go of Peter's hand. She tugged lightly, silently signaling that she wanted him to follow. They both set their wine glasses back on the coffee table, not caring that neither had taken more than one sip. Olivia led the way towards her bedroom, shutting off the last remaining light in the living space, flooding the apartment in darkness. The only light that remained was Noah's rocketship-shaped nightlight in the hallway between the two bedrooms.

Olivia entered her bedroom first but ushered Peter in quickly before shutting the door softly behind her. Peter heard the click of the lock, and a shiver ran the length of his body. He turned around to face Olivia, and although she was only partially illuminated by the moonlight streaming in from her window, he could see that she was crying.

Peter closed the small gap between them, enveloping Olivia in a hug. Kissing her temple he whispered in her ear, "I've got you, Olivia. Don't be afraid to fall".

And then she wasn't afraid; she wasn't afraid of falling and she wasn't afraid of being caught.

Olivia pulled back from Peter's hug but never fully broke contact. She looked into his eyes, blinked once, and whispered, "Please make love to me".

The visceral conviction in Olivia's eyes nearly caused Peter's legs to give out beneath him. He could see her chest rising and falling a bit more rapidly now, and Peter knew there was no doubt in her mind that this was what she wanted. And he was right; the invisible walls around Olivia were crumbling quickly, and she wanted, no needed, to become one with Peter, mind, body, and soul.

Peter reached for the hem of her green shirt, his fingers lingering on the soft skin beneath. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes as he committed this moment to memory. Olivia automatically lifted her arms and allowed the shirt to be guided over her head. As the shirt was tossed to the floor, her arms fell back down to her sides and for the first time in years she didn't feel the need to add a body disclaimer. It would be at this point that she would be very briefly explaining away the scars that were mapped out across the tops of her breasts and along her abdomen. She'd be quickly taking control so that her bed partner couldn't stare too long and couldn't ask any questions. But she let Peter look, she let him take her in and she reveled in it. She didn't say a word, because she knew Peter was seeing beyond her imperfections. He was seeing a story of one part of her life that he didn't know much about—but would eventually—and that both thrilled and terrified Olivia.

"You're beautiful, Olivia. Just fucking beautiful", Peter said as he ran his fingertips along her collarbone and down the side of her right breast. He took the fullness into his hand and squeezed, feeling her nipple harden beneath. She reached around her back and unclasped her cream-colored bra so that Peter could have unrestricted access, and as it fell to the floor she cupped his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

They moaned into one another, knowing they needed to speed up the process. Slow would come, but right now they needed to feel each other, needed the type of contact that only this level of intimacy can bring. Olivia dropped her hands from Peter's face, unbuttoning and unzipping her jeans. She pushed the denim down as far as she could reach but ultimately had to break the kiss in order to get them fully off. When she stood back up to full height, she noticed Peter had discarded his shirt and he was standing in front her, chest bare and flushed. Like magnets, Olivia's hands landed on him, roaming wildly over his toned form.

Peter grabbed both of her hands, stilling them. "Liv go lay on the bed."

She did as she was told, scooting backwards until her back hit the pillows, then reclining slightly so she could still watch Peter from her new position. Peter licked his lips as he toed off his shoes and made quick work of his jeans and boxer briefs. He crawled on his hands and knees up the bed toward Olivia, and when he saw her spread her legs to him he paused, letting the magnitude of the moment flow over him.

Peter sat back on his heels and watched Olivia. He was so close that he could see the goosebumps break out all over her.

Olivia's body was humming with anticipation. It made her shiver as if she was cold, but one touch of her skin would tell a different story. She was hot, and when she opened her legs she knew she was also dripping wet. She watched as Peter began moving again. This time it was just his hands that moved, slowly gliding from her ankles, up her smooth calves, to the silky insides of her thighs, and finally to her hips where he hooked his thumbs into the elastic he found there. His hands reversed the journey they'd just taken, this time with her panties in tow, discarding the last piece of clothing separating them.

They both sighed out, their eyes fixed on one another, both silently affirming that they'd passed the point of no return, and also acknowledging that they wanted to move forward.

Olivia was restless now. "Peter, come up here, please, I can't wait any longer." There was no need for foreplay now. Peter could see her shaking with want, and he didn't waste any more time. He spread his body out along hers, and she widened her legs even further to accommodate him as he settled in between her hips. Their eyes met once again as Peter skimmed his right hand down Olivia's body, not stopping until he reached the apex of her thighs. He used two fingers to spread her open, then moved one a little lower to push inside.

"Fuck, baby, you're so fucking wet…so tight", Peter moaned, moving his face to her neck so he could kiss her there. He fucked into her once, twice, three times, just to be sure she was ready. There was no question. He pulled his finger out of her and positioned himself at her entrance.

Just as he was about to push in, "Liv, shit, I don't have a condom. But I promise I got tested after…".

Olivia blinked out of the haze she'd just been in and looked Peter in the eye. "It's okay. I trust you."

No more words were needed as Peter slid all the way into Olivia, moving his lips to kiss her at the same time. The kiss caught her on her neck, though, as Olivia threw back her head in ecstasy, a deep guttural moan escaping her throat.

"Oh my god, Peter, holy shit!", Olivia choked out, her nails digging into Peter's back, her thighs raised and open. Peter began to move, pulling almost all of the way out, then pushing deeply into Olivia's core. He repeated this a few times, giving Olivia time to accommodate him. He struggled to keep a slow pace; the woman beneath him was so hot and wet. He wanted to slam into her but decided he'd let Olivia dictate the pace this time.

He didn't have to wait long. "Fuck me, oh my god, Peter please fuck me!", Olivia whined, trying with all of her might not to scream out. She arched her back as Peter heeded her commands, the strain evident on his face. Olivia was altogether thankful she'd been keeping her sessions with her trainer consistent, but she was sure there was no workout more pleasurable than this.

Peter continued pounding into her, both of them lost in a sea of pure rapture, but still cognizant enough of each other's body to recognize what the other needed. Before she voiced it, Peter knew Olivia was close to the edge, he could feel the shift in her. He moved his hand from its place on her breast down to her clit, desperate to feel her explode around him.

"I'm gonna cum, Peter! Fuck! Don't stop!", Olivia could barely contain herself, her voice rising to an alarming level. Peter dipped down kiss her, just in time to capture her scream as her body shook with release. Her arms dropped out to her sides, unable to hold onto Peter any longer, but she kept her legs wrapped tightly around his thighs. She knew he wasn't far behind her.

"Shit, Liv!", Peter whispered near her ear.

"Cum inside me. Please god cum inside me", Olivia had just enough strength for this one last request. And so he did, with one final push, Peter emptied everything he had inside of Olivia.

The room was silent as the pair laid side-by-side under Olivia's blankets. Olivia was wide awake but she could tell by the slow rise and fall of Peter's chest that he was drifting off to sleep. He was on his back, his left arm encircling Olivia's waist. She was on her side, her head nestled under his chin. Her mind kept going back to a question Peter had asked her earlier in the evening, and while at the time she had no intention of furthering her response, now, here, safe in his embrace, she wanted to tell him everything.

She blinked back tears, not for the story she was about to tell, but for the fact that she knew the man beside her was willing to hear it. That she could open her soul up to him and not feel anything but trust and understanding.

Olivia kissed his chin softly, urging him awake. "Peter? Are you awake?"

"Hmm. Kinda", he responded sleepily, but she saw his eyes blink open.

"I want to tell you something, but I want to make sure you hear all of it". Olivia lifted her head and switched positions just enough so that she could look at Peter, but still remain in his embrace.

Peter shifted a tiny bit too, placing a gentle kiss on Olivia's forehead. "I'm here, Liv. Fully. Completely."

"Okay", she took a deep breath, laying her head down once again on Peter. "When you asked me before if I've always wanted kids…"

Peter waited. He was going to let Olivia talk for as long as she needed. He rubbed his hand up and down her back, reminding her that he was there, reminding her that she was in a safe place.

Olivia continued then, "I sort of freaked out when you asked me that because I've been keeping this…this fucking guilt inside of me for so long and I've never told anyone about it and this is the second time recently that…".

She was having a hard time putting into words what she wanted to say, so she took a deep breath and started from the beginning. "Having kids was always a dream of mine, Peter. For as long as I can remember but it just was never happening for me. Work and life continually got in the way, and for so long I thought it was a closed case for me. I was getting older and it just wasn't going to happen. Then it did. It happened and I…I ended it." Peter could feel Olivia's warm tears landing on his naked chest. He wanted to soothe away her pain, make it all better, but for now he let her continue.

"You remember Brian Cassidy, right?". Peter nodded. How could he forget.

"He and I have a long history…", Olivia practically rolled her eyes at this, "…but about seven years ago we were in a serious relationship and I got pregnant. I was thrilled. I couldn't believe my biggest dream was coming true, I was finally going to be a mom. I remember standing in the kitchen early one morning making tea, before the sun even came up, and I could have sworn I was floating. That's how happy I was. But then I wasn't. I was terrified, and it wasn't just newly-pregnant jitters. I knew deep down in the depths of my soul that I couldn't have this baby. I had just been through the most horrific, most traumatic event of my life and I was sure I couldn't be the type of mother I wanted to be until I had some time to heal. The day I found out I called Brian and told him I *might* be pregnant, because I wanted to know first how he felt about it. We hadn't exactly talked about kids before. Do you know what he said? He said he couldn't picture himself ever being old enough to be a parent. I made up my mind right then that I wasn't going to have his baby…our baby. Right after I got off the phone with Brian I sat in front of my therapist and told him I had been pregnant but I lost it. I hadn't even had the fucking abortion yet, but I told him the baby was already gone! I lied to him, I lied to Brian, and I never told either of them the truth."

Olivia was practically sobbing, and Peter noticed her clinging to him even tighter now. He kissed her temple and continued slowly rubbing her back.

She shook her head, trying to compose her thoughts. She paused for a few moments and when her tears subsided she began again. "I'm not upset that I lied to them, I'm not. It was ultimately my decision, and I should have told Brian, but things crumbled with us pretty quickly after that. Then Noah came along and I finally had my wish and I was a mom. I was HIS mom, and I was in heaven. I'm still in heaven, but the guilt of that decision has never really gone away."

Olivia sounded so dejected and Peter's heart was completely broken for her.

Every ounce of Olivia's being wanted to apologize to Peter, wanted to explain away why she bothered telling him that, wanted to dismiss her experience, but the words didn't come. For the first time in her life, she said what she wanted to say, and simply let the other person listen and absorb it and process it on their own. She put her story and her feelings out there and didn't shrug it off as unimportant.

She felt lighter all ready.

Peter stopped rubbing her back and shifted them both so that they were laying on their sides. They watched each other, neither saying anything, both pairs of eyes brimming with tears. After a moment Peter moved forward and captured Olivia's lips with his. He kissed her with such passion, such understanding, such trust, that Olivia had to break away to catch her breath.

 _So this is what is feels like to let yourself be vulnerable_ , Olivia thought to herself.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Peter's low timbre. "Liv?" He cleared his throat.

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you told me. You don't deserve to carry that guilt around by yourself", Peter's voice was stronger now. "You had to make a decision that was best for you at the time, and if you'd made a different one, you wouldn't have Noah. You were meant to be that boy's mom, Olivia. There's no question."

"I've always been a strong person, Peter. I think by now you get that", she let out a small laugh. "My entire life has been a test of will, it's always felt like it was me up against the world, and the only thing I could do was stand up for myself, and fight for myself, defend myself. There was no one that was going to do those things for me. When I started at SVU I realized I had a platform to fight for other people for a change and it felt good. So good. As I moved up the ranks I kinda got this reputation of being a badass, right? It's a powerful feeling. I've branded myself a Wonder Woman of sorts, ya know, I need to do anything and everything I can for other people. But it's come as sort of a detriment to myself. I've closed myself off to so many things personally because I thought I had to always be taking care of someone else. Does that make sense?"

Peter nodded. "But you're ready now to let someone see the not-so-strong moments? Because I know you have them Liv. No one can be strong all the time."

"Yes", Olivia's voice was barely a whisper.

"That doesn't make you any less of a Wonder Woman. Or any less of a badass. And if you want, I'll be that person for you." Peter swiped his hand across Olivia's forehead, moving away the hair that had fallen there.

"I want that, Peter. More than anything." Olivia couldn't hold back her tears any longer and she allowed them to slip down her face unrestrained.

Peter took his thumb and gently wiped it under both of her eyes before pressing his lips to her forehead. No more words were needed.

Olivia turned over to her other side and their bodies melded into one. She couldn't ever remember experiencing such a sense of serenity, and the last thing Olivia felt before she fell asleep was the crumble of the last remaining brick in wall the around her heart.

" _Vulnerability is the key to happiness. Vulnerable people are powerful people. Opening your heart and sharing it means that you're going to get so much love in your life." - Amy Poehler_


End file.
